So, I finished taking Katie the Beagle for a lovely walk on our snowy, frozen lake ...
Since there are still two feet of snow out there, why was it lovely? Because it's forty-one degrees outside. Woo-hoo, we cleared the freezing mark for the first time in weeks! Okay, this also meant that it was a slightly soggy walk when we got towards the middle of the lake where some of the snowmelt was puddling,. But for the most part we stayed towards the edges and had a good time slogging through the snow, which is still deeper than Katie is tall in some places.
... anyway, that's not the point. The point is that when we got back inside, I decided to start cleaning up the kitchen in anticipation of eventually whipping up some lovely Super Bowl snacksies. While I was washing dishes I decided to turn on the Super Bowl pregame show on NBC.
With a five-hour pregame show to fill, what were they showing on the pregame you ask? Perhaps a breakdown of the Pittsburgh defense's use of pre-snap movement to disguise the zone blitz? Perhaps a narrative of fifty years of frustration for Cardinal fans? Maybe they go for a little cheesecake and feature a wing-eating contest between the Cardinal and Steeler cheerleaders?
Nope. Al Roker was interviewing Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson about The Rock's upcoming movie, Race to Witch Mountain.
NBC, let me help you out here. If you can't figure out how to fill five hours with stuff that is at least peripherally related to football, you have your halftime act in town, Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band. Just set up the halftime stage early, and let Bruce and the band play for three or four hours until the teams are ready to warm up. That way you only have to scrape together an hour or so of actual football content.
They also seem to have Matt Millen on as one of their pregame analysts. Huh!? What the H-E-Double-Toothpicks is his job on that panel? To tell America how he utterly wrecked the one-time mediocrity that was the Detroit Lions? To explain how to build the worst team in all NFL history? Do they use him for compare and contrast with the competence shown by the Steeler and Cardinal front offices? Or is it a demonstration of the one man who may have a lower job rating than George W. Bush for what he did over the last eight years? Nope, they seem to be deferring to him as if he actually knows something about the NFL.
I guess I shouldn't criticize NBC for hiring Millen for the pregame analyst gig. I'd hire him for my pregame show. And then I'd put him in the stocks and let Lions season ticket holders throw eggs and rotten vegetables at him during breaks between other activities.
So, to sum up, here's my pregame show schedule:
1 pm - 1:15 pm -- Lions fans throw garbage at Matt Millen
1:15 pm - 2:45 pm -- Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band, 1st Set
2:45 pm - 3 pm -- Lions fans throw garbage at Matt Millen
3 pm - 4:30 pm -- Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band, 2nd Set
4:30 pm - 4:35 pm -- Lions fans throw garbage at Matt Millen
4:35 pm - 4:45 pm -- Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band, Encore
5:20 pm - 5:28 pm -- Lions fans throw garbage at Matt Millen
5:28 pm - 6:10 pm -- Actual football stuff
6:10 pm - 6:15 pm -- Final opportunity for Lions fans to throw garbage at Matt Millen.
6:15 pm - 6:23 pm -- Introduction of teams
6:24 pm - 6:27 pm -- National Anthem
6:28 pm -- Kickoff
I guarantee my show would draw better ratings than NBC's will today.
[Edit]P.S. Now they have some Journey tribute band singing "Don't Stop Believing." (Or maybe it's the remaining musicians from Journey with a Filipino guy singing lead instead of Steve Perry. Whatever.) Either way, it's a step towards my vision of replacing the pregame non-football non-entertainment with pregame non-football entertainment.
Thanks, NBC! Now, if we can only getting them working on that Matt-Millen-in-the-stocks plan.