While Miss Crankypants uses her powers of crankiness for good in Paris (An Early Morning Visit from Miss Crankypants; More Good News from France : Fighting like Pirates; What Max Said) Mr. Crankypants is on the loose here in Detroit and he is neither good nor noble. He is cranky.
You'll be relieved to know that in his munifence today, Mr. Crankypants has deleted a long, long whiny post and will instead condense that bit of cranking to this single, extremely whiny paragraph:
My back hurts. I'm tired of winter. I miss the sun. I'm behind schedule on *everything* and starting to let some things slip that should not slip. We're not going anywhere warm this winter. Television sucks, and what passes for television journalism these days is worse. My salary is stagnant. I've made a mess out of both my cubicle and my space at home. And did I mention that I'm freaking tired of my lower back hurting and that it's making me feel worse that Monique's had to do all the shoveling for the last six weeks? All I did was ride the exercise bike for fifteen minutes at the gym on Monday and it was Back-Spasm City all over again yesterday. Bah! Humbug!!
Yeah, Mr. Crankypants is REALLY, REALLY sorry he tweaked his back last month.
I even wrote up most of a sonnet titled How Do I Crank Thee? (with apologies Elizabeth Barrett Browning) but by the tenth line or so I found that it was making me too damn cranky. Plus, I was having a hard time finding an appropriate rhyme for "tighty whities." So I scrapped the whole project, much to the relief of poetry critics around the world.
Oh, sweet crankiness, how do I crank thee? Let me count the ways.
Instead of a sonnet, I present a Top Five list:
5) I am now officially so cranky that crabbiness would be an upgrade!
4) Crankcases come to me for advice!
3) Another foot of snow might actually improve my mood!
2) The DEA is investigating me because they heard I was "the Midwest's biggest supplier of crank!"
1) Oscar the Grouch was recently heard to say of me, "Sheesh, what's that guy's problem?!"
Be warned world. You mess with me today and I will be *very* whiny about it.