2009 Lost Souls FFL Season Preview

By no popular demand whatsoever, the Patio Boat presents the 2009 Lost Souls FFL Season Preview!

Projected Team Standings
1. Death Mutants (10-2) 1506.7 pts., 94.2 ppg.
2. United Loonies (8-4) 1383.7 pts., 86.5 ppg.
3. Puking Buzzards (8-4) 1371.8 pts., 85.7 ppg.
4. Howling Huns (7-5) 1321 pts., 82.6 ppg.
5. Savage Iguanas (7-5) 1303.1 pts., 81.4 ppg.
6. Rapid Molasses (6-6) 1279.9 pts., 80 ppg.
7. Spaz Corps (6-6) 1276 pts., 79.8 ppg.
8. Sirenian Sisters (6-6) 1267.8 pts., 79.2 ppg.
9. The Wraiths (5-7) 1255.5 pts., 78.5 ppg.
10. Custom Critters (5-7) 1249.9 pts., 78.1 ppg.
11. Fog Bank (2-10) 1202.3 pts., 75.1 ppg.
12. Cornhole Cowboys (2-10) 1195.6 pts., 74.7 ppg.

Parity seems to have arrived in the Lost Souls Fantasy Football League (LSFFL) this year. The Death Mutants are still the favorites, but the gap has closed. Most astonishingly, the projected gap between 2nd and 10th is just a dozen points per game, and the spread from first to worst is just twenty points. When I started doing these previews the projected first-to-worst gap was usually 40 points. Most astonishingly of all, I think a genuine case could be made for even the projected cellar-dwellars to make a run.

Before we get to the individual teams, let's take a look at the best and worst units in the league. All projections are taken from the Footballguys.com stats:

Best Starters: Death Mutants, Puking Buzzards.
Worst Starters: Cornhole Cowboys, Fog Bank.
Best Backups: Death Mutants, Custom Critters.
Worst Backups: Wraiths, Puking Buzzards.
Best QBs: Custom Critters (Brady, Edwards, Orton); Savage Iguanas (Romo, Warner, Vick).
Worst QBs: Sirenian Sisters (Roethlisberger, Bulger, Culpepper); Cornhole Cowboys (McNabb, Russell, Collins).
Best RBs: Death Mutants (A.Peterson, S.Jackson, C.Benson, D.Brown); United Loonies (D.Williams, Gore, T.Jones, J.Lewis, M.Bush).
Worst RBs: Fog Bank (Barber, K.Smith, J.Jones, Coffee, Greene); Cornhole Cowboys (Lynch, Parker, J.Stewart, F.Jackson).
Best WRs: Death Mutants (Fitzgerald, A.Johnson, Avery, Marshall, Morgan); United Loonies (Wayne, Bowe, OchoCinqo, Berrian).
Worst WRs: Cornhole Cowboys (D.Jackson, R.Williams, Mason, Schillens, Heyward-Bey); Fog Bank (Boldin, Ginn, Harvin, Britt).
Best TEs: Wraiths (Olsen, Daniels); Buzzards (Witten, Cook).
Worst TEs: Critters (Scheffler, McMichael); Spaz Corps (H.Miller, Boss).
Best Ks: Rapid Molasses (Bironas, K.Brown); Spaz Corps (Kaeding, Tynes).
Worst Ks: Savage Iguanas (Crosby, Hartley); Death Mutants (Gould, Prater).
Best Ds: Cornhole Cowboys (Minnesota, Washington); Death Mutants (New York Giants, Miami).
Worst Ds: Rapid Molasses (New England, San Francisco); United Loonies (Pittsburgh, Detroit).

And now, the teams:

The Favorite

1. Death Mutants (10-2) 1506.7 pts., 94.2 ppg.
Still Stud City. Check out the starters and their Footballguys forecast ranking: QB Peyton Manning (#4), RB Adrian Peterson (#1), RB Steven Jackson (#5), WR Larry Fitzgerald (#2), WR Andre Johnson (#3), TE Antonio Gates (#1), D New York Giants (#3). But there's a bit of a dropoff at kicker (Robbie Gould, #12) and the legendary Death Mutant depth has been whittled away a smidge over the years. Injuries finally caught the long-time champs in 2008, and if the Mutants falter again, a lot of teams are ready to challenge. And we're all preparing our purple #28 voodoo dolls.

The Contenders

2. United Loonies (8-4) 1383.7 pts., 86.5 ppg.
The Loonies came heart-breakingly close to their first title last year. They may have missed their best chance, but they still have a chance to compete if they can get repeat career performances from QB Jay Cutler, RB DeAngelo Williams, RB Frank Gore, WR Reggie Wayne, WR Dwayne Bowe, and the Pittsburgh defense. So to sum up, as long as all of my players have their best year ever, I have a chance!

3. Puking Buzzards (8-4) 1371.8 pts., 85.7 ppg.
Last year's champs are also poised to repeat if the Mutants falter. There's a lot of talent in the starting lineup of the defending champs: QB Philip Rivers, RB Matt Forte, RB LaDanian Tomlinson, WR Roddy White, WR Marques Colsten, TE Jason Witten, and K Adam Vinatieri. But the backups look thin, so it'll take a healthy run to keep the Buzzards in contention. A healthy run sounds kind of unlikely for a team named "The Puking Buzzards."

The Pack

4. Howling Huns (7-5) 1321 pts., 82.6 ppg.
There's a lot of potential on this team with QBs David Garrard and Carson Palmer, RBs Michael Turner, Joseph Addai, and Knowshon Moreno, and WR Steve Smith. If the upside comes in, the Huns could Howl in '09. Astute analysts, however, feel that there are just not enough Carolina Panthers on this team for them to mount a charge.

5. Savage Iguanas (7-5) 1303.1 pts., 81.4 ppg.
QB Tony Romo, RB Brandon Jacobs, and WRs Randy Moss and Calvin Johnson look like contending pieces. But the RB2 committee (Reggie Bush, Fred Taylor, Felix Jones, and Lawrence Maroney) looks like a weakness. If one of those guys steps up, the Iguanas could make a run. Could this be the year that Ron finally wins it all? Will pigs fly? Oh yeah, that's right: this is the year of "swine flu!"

6. Rapid Molasses (6-6) 1279.9 pts., 80 ppg.
The Molasses have some upside with QB Matt Ryan, RB Steve Slaton, WRs Greg Jennings and Eddie Royal, and TE John Carlson. The real question is whether RB Brian Westbrook has a healthy year left. If so, the Molasses could flow rapidly back up the standings. Longtime LSFFL watchers can only guess that the improved drafting means that Stacey's back in charge of the Molasses.

7. Spaz Corps (6-6) 1276 pts., 79.8 ppg.
RB Aaron Rodgers and RB Chris Johnson are two studly building blocks, but the Spaz Corps will need some surprises from RB Larry Johnson, WR Wes Welker, WR Anthony Gonzalez, and TE Heath Miller to compete for the title. Alas, that group looks more likely to hold a "Welcome to 7th Place" party than a victory celebration.

8. Sirenian Sisters (6-6) 1267.8 pts., 79.2 ppg.
The Sisters went the rebuilding route in the draft with the picks of WR Santonio Holmes, WR Hakeem Nicks, RB LeSean McCoy, and TE Brandon Pettigrew. But QB Ben Roethlisberger and their one true stud, RB Maurice Jones-Drew, will need help from the over-the-hill gang of RB Clinton Portis, WR Terrell Owens, and WR T.J. WhosYourMama if they're going to make a run at the title. If you're looking for a veteran fill-in later this year, this might be the place to look, 'cause the betting money says the Sisters' 2009 motto will be "Wait'll Next Year."

9. The Wraiths (5-7) 1255.5 pts., 78.5 ppg.
Stud QB Drew Brees leads an unholy mess. Maybe there's some hope for the future among RB Ryan Grant, RB Ray Rice, rookie RB Beanie Wells, WR Vincent Jackson, WR Antonio Jackson, and TE Greg Olsen, 'cause 2009 looks like a struggle for the Wraiths. This analyst suggests that Ray claim that he drafted from the hot tub with a bottle of chenin blanc. At least that was a good excuse.

10. Custom Critters (5-7) 1249.9 pts., 78.1 ppg.
Stud QB Tom Brady leads an unholier mess. RBs Ronnie Brown and Darren McFadden might surprise, but the rest of this roster looks like the express train to Nowheresville. Rebuilding looms for the Critters. Chris might not need to claim that he drafted from the hot tub, but he should dump this team in it.

The Cellar-Dwellars

11. Fog Bank (2-10) 1202.3 pts., 75.1 ppg.
Welcome back, Chris. Remember when you used to helm titanic juggernauts that crushed the league year after year? Hold those fond memories tight, man. Hold them tight. We drafted you a lot of rookies and young guys. If you had drafted, you probably would have drafted rookies and young guys with talent. Hold those fond memories tight, man. Hold them tight.

12. Cornhole Cowboys (2-10) 1195.6 pts., 74.7 ppg.
Who drafted this mess? There's a lot of upside buried on Paul's roster. Buried deep. Really deep. Really, really deep. I mean mind-bogglingly deep. If the stars align and the pieces all fall in place, it's possible that QB Donovan McNabb, RBs Marshawn Lynch, Willie Parker, and Jonathan Stewart, WRs DeSean Jackson and Roy Williams, TE Dallas Clark, K Nick Folk, and the Minnesota defense could make a run. Too bad it's more likely that everybody get injured and that by Week 3 the team the Cowboys really roll out there looks more like QB Jamarcus Russell, RB Fred Jackson, WR Darrius Heyward-Bey and WR Chaz "Broken Foot" Schilens. Seriously, who drafted Paul a WR with a broken foot? That's cruel, man.


And that's the forecast. As for how it will all turn out this year ... we shall see. It looks a lot closer than ever before, which means that it's going to come down to in-season management for everybody.

So, what's it gonna take for me to get you into this slightly used RB Jamal Lewis (CLE) today? He was only driven to the five-yard line on Sundays by a little old lady from Cuyahoga Falls....