Thursday, February 19, 2015

I did it for SCIENCE!

Here at the ol' Patio Boat we firmly support science in the search of truth, no matter how difficult and arduous the process. And so, as a service to you, gentle reader, I conducted a grueling and difficult experiment Sunday night while Monique and I watched the Saturday Night Live 40th Anniversary Special.

THEORY: It's freaking cold out! I'll bet I could freeze a beer lickety split.

EXPERIMENT: Six room temperature Sierra-Nevada Pale Ales (ABV 5.6%) were placed out on our porch. By pouring them into a glass at intervals and measuring the temperature of the beer, I hope to establish the rate at which I can make a beercicle when it's freaking cold out.

(Rest assured, each beer was disposed of promptly and humanely after its temperature was measured. Here at the Patio Boat we temper our thirst for science with the milk of human kindness.)


Starting temperature of beer, which had been sitting on our living-room floor: 63 degrees. (It had gotten a wee bit chilly inside the house, too!)

Outdoor temperature: -5.7° F at the start of the experiment at 9:47 pm. -8.0° F at the conclusion, 70 minutes later.


Minutes Beer Temp Outside Temp
0 63 -5.7
13 53 -6.2
33 42 -6.7
50 32 -7.1
57 28 -7.5
70 28 -8

Note: Beers were measured at 0, 13, 33, 50, and 70 minutes. The 57-minute mark was interpolated once the temperature of phase change was established at 28° F.

CONCLUSION: It was freaking cold out Sunday night! Cold enough to freeze a tasty Sierra-Nevada Pale Ale in less than hour.

PUBLIC-SERVICE WARNING #1: Please do not try this experiment at home ... unless you, too, are willing to promptly and humanely dispose of several tasty Sierra-Nevada Pale Ales.

PUBLIC-SERVICE WARNING #2: If you choose to use Nature's Cooler to chill your adult beverages this winter, you'd better keep a sharp eye on them once the temperature drops below zero! Really, it's probably just best to drink them with little delay, just for safety's sake.

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