Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Deepwater Kibbitzer Disaster

Because I always try to be constructive, I thought I might pass along a few constructive suggestions I made on Facebook earlier this week for plugging the Deepwater Horizon undersea well blowout, just in case the current plan ("The Top Kill") doesn't work out:

-- I get the feeling that BP has absolutely no idea how to stop their giant offshore leak. At this point I expect to hear, "This week we're going to try the Ham Sandwich, in which we try to plug this thing with several loafs of bread, a nice smoked ham, and some swiss cheese." Or, "The next plan is the Facebook Plug, in which we try to decrease the productivity of the leak by signing it up for Facebook."

-- And yes, I have backup plans beyond those two. I'm especially fond of the one I like to call The Very Large Wooden Badger.

-- I think we better start coming up with a backup plan to that Ham Sandwich plan. What about this? We make an enormous double-decker Reuben...

-- If the double-decker Reuben falls through -- and BP can't book the ShamWow guy -- I'd guess the next suggestion from BP will be a little thing they like to call "Penguin-Mania!"

-- While we await more failed "plans" from BP, can we all at least agree not to buy any more of their gas until they fix the damned leak? (I used the quotes around "plans" because, seriously, calling some of the hair-brained schemes they've floated "plans" is an insult to plans worldwide. What's next, shoving a Giant Turnip down the pipe?)


  1. Just keeping my fingers crossed this this "Top Kill" attempt at plugging the leak works!

    In the meantime, lets pave the way for future moves... like a nice gas tax to help us start getting our heads around the real cost of our energy.

  2. Oh, I love those creative ideas. Your well-developed spirit of innovation, in my view, makes you a perfect candidate for a Wall Street Trader's job @ a hefty salary increase and an up front bonus. You'd be a "Master of the Galaxy" immediately, and in short oder one of the Universe. Think about it. You may like it.

  3. OK we won't buy their gas, we promise!

  4. British Petroleum rep Randy Prescott: “Louisiana isn’t the only place that has shrimp.”

    I think they must have money to pay for cleaning up some of this mess. They could not have been spending money on PR like that.