Yup, We Ruined My Mom's Dog

Why Cady Won't Go into the Bathroom To Eat Her Dinner

What is so scary
That Cady's afraid to eat?
The washing machine.

The Truth Emerges as I Listen to my Mom talk to Cady Tonight

Cady is now here.
"Why can't you learn to be good?"
Sighs my Mom sadly.

I'm sorry. But I'm quoting accurately.

The Ray Brace Dog Haiku

Mandy is neither a beagle nor a black lab. But Ray did contribute a pretty good doggie haiku to a beagle-haiku thread on Facebook:

Black wiggly Mandy
Greets me sweetly at the gate
Welcome home, Daddy

--Raymond Brace.

Detroit Lions Post-Game Haiku

What should Cady chew
while she's here? I hope she eats
The Detroit Lions.

Yeah, that's right. 0-2 to start the season. That makes nineteen losses in a row. Ugh.

Truthfully, they did look a bit better than last year's truly horrid squad. I think they'll eventually manage to win a few games before the year is out.

But you're on notice, Lions. Cady the Terrible is coming soon, and if you don't win a game soon, I'm going to set her loose in your locker room.

The Savage Seventeen-Syllable Swordfight Continues

Haiku battle with
My fast-typin' Mom? At best,
Pyrrhic victory.

We welcome Cady
As our future furry guest
But I'll hide my shoes!

Another Cady defense from my Mom

Sweet Cady the lab,
Greeley's gentle companion.
Never terrible.

To which I say, with apologies to Maya Angelou:

A Rock, A River,
A Tree. All since departed,
Eaten by Cady.

Really, though, I should be smarter than to get in a haiku battle with a semi-retired woman who types fast and can quickly convert the hours she spends playing Freecell and solitaire on the computer into hours spent counting syllables.

Mom Strikes Back

Really, my Mom's response to the previous post was worthy of a post of its own, so I have promoted it from the comments section, since not everybody goes in to check the comments.

Sweet, loving Cady
is badly misunderstood.
She's quit eating shoes.

The Form Must Fit the Canine

So, why no haiku
For Cady the Terrible?
Scan "Mass Destruction!"

My Mom wanted to know why there aren't any haiku for her dog, Cady. The obvious answer is that this is the Internet's #1 site for "beagle haiku" not "black lab haiku." The nearly as obvious other answer is that we rely heavily on the haiku writings of others in these parts, and my Mom apparently can't be bothered to write any Cady haiku.

But Cady the Terrible may just be better suited for one of those long Icelandic sagas about Ragnarok. It could be one of those "historic fragments" in which the climactic section covering the Final Battle of the Gods and Frost Giants is lost for all time because it was eaten by a dog.

Or perhaps a week with Cady would best be captured in a Greek epic in which instead of tormenting Odysseus with a ten-yeear journey of pain and desolation, the Gods instead test him by letting a black lab eat all of his shoes.

Whatever the form, I'm sure there's a poetic form out there somewhere that suits Cady. It's probably not haiku, though. Check it out: Rag-nar-ok ap-proach-eth ... see, six syllables. Haiku simply doesn't suit her paradigm.