The Detroit Lions 2009 season as viewed by my Facebook statuses.

For those who just couldn't get enough of the 2009 Detroit Lions, here's a season recap, courtesy of my Facebook statuses. It's just as well that I wasn't on Facebook last year when they went 0-16. I'm pretty sure that many of the words I used to describe them in 2008 are prohibited on Facebook.

2009 Detroit Lions Preseason

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Preseason Week 1 Sat, Aug 15 vs Atlanta (P) W 27 - 26

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Preseason Week 2 Sat, Aug 22 @ Cleveland (P) L 10 - 27
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John Magee Down 20-0 after one quarter? Multiple turnovers? Dumb penalties? Getting their asses kicked on the offensive *and*defensive lines? Giving up kick returns for touchdowns? The Lions don't need preseason. I say they're already in mid-season form! August 22, 2009 at 9:27pm

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Preseason Week 3 Sat, Aug 29 vs Indianapolis (P) W 18 - 17

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Preseason Week 4 Thu, Sep 3 @ Buffalo (P) W 17 - 6
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Stacey Tucker-Blosch Some Lion humor from the Onion...
NFL Players Mentor Troubled Detroit Lions
September 8, 2009 at 12:51pm
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John Magee I know this is fake because it implies that professional football players could be found at a Detroit Lions practice. September 8, 2009 at 6:16 pm


2009 Detroit Lions Regular Season


John Magee is callin' it a day at work and off to buy some chicken wings for grilling in celebration of tonight's kickoff of the NFL season. September 10, 2009 at 6:36pm
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Phil Gaven Must be nice to watch on a night when you know the Lions can't lose. September 10, 2009 at 8:03pm
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John Magee Don't be so overconfident, Phil. September 10, 2009 at 8:44pm
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Week 1 Sun, Sep 13 @ New Orleans (0-0) L 27 - 45

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John Magee and Monique are off to watch the Lions game. Will this be the week that finally brings a Win? Alas, since Mike Bell ran for 140 yards against us last week, I fully expect to see Adrian Peterson set the NFL single-game rushing record today. September 20, 2009 at 11:25am
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Week 2 Sun, Sep 20 vs Minnesota (1-0) L 13 - 27
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John Magee Game Report: The Lions were ahead after the first half and kept Adrian Peterson to less than 100 yards rushing. In Lions terms this is the equivalent of a three-game win streak! September 20, 2009 at 5:35pm

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Week 3 Sun, Sep 27 vs Washington (1-1) W 19 - 14

(The first Lion victory since 2007!)
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John Magee Go hard, win the game. / With honor you will keep your fame. / Down the field and gain, / A Lion victory! / GO LIONS! September 27, 2009 at 5:18pm
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John Magee Congratulations, Lions! September 27, 2009 at 5:19pm
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Susan Magee Riordan Shea's enjoying school AND your Lions won a game? Duck and cover, people, duck and cover. September 27, 2009 at 5:25pm
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Robert Forster Yay Lions! Do it again! Do it again! We like it! We like it! September 27, 2009 at 5:46pm
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Lori Pasto Holy Crap! The Lions won!! Congrats! September 27, 2009 at 6:35pm
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Eric Blosch There's always next week! September 27, 2009 at 10:25pm
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(The Redskins would bounce back from this disgrace finish the season at a lofty 4-12. Well, 4-12 is lofty to Lion fans, anyway.)

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Week 4 Sun, Oct 4 @ Chicago (2-1) L 24 - 48

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Week 5 Sun, Oct 11 vs Pittsburgh (2-2) L 20 - 28

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Week 6 Sun, Oct 18 @ Green Bay (2-2) L 0 - 26

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Week 7 Bye

(Thank goodness!)

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Week 8 Sun, Nov 1 vs St. Louis (0-7) L 10 - 17

(This was the Ram's only victory of the season. The only reason St. Louis didn't tie the Lions' all-time NFL 0-16 record of last season was that they were able to beat ... THE LIONS! Aaarggh!)

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Week 9 Sun, Nov 8 @ Seattle (2-5) L 20 - 32
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John Magee The Lions are the stupidest team ever. They fell for the "no play" fake play on fourth down and jumped offsides. Even Pee-Wee teams don't fall for that. November 8, 2009 at 6:44pm

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Week 10 Sun, Nov 15 @ Minnesota (7-1) L 10 - 27

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John Magee, Monique, Michelle, and Stella are off to watch to Stupor Bowl today: the Hapless Browns (1-8) come to Detroit today to take on the Feeble Lions (1-8). (City names have been changed to protect innocent bystanders in those two cities.) On the bright side, this is a game that the Lions can win! Go, Lions!!! November 22, 2009 at 8:55am
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Week 11 Sun, Nov 22 vs Cleveland (1-8) W 38 - 37
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John Magee ... Down the field to gain / A Lions victory! / Gooooooo, Lions!!! November 22, 2009 at 5:35pm
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John Magee I hope he eventually learns not to throw dumb interceptions because the Lions finally have a quarterback I can root for. This video of Stafford on Sunday is awesome! November 25, 2009 at 5:11 pm

Sound FX: Matthew Stafford mic'd up: Listen to Matthew Stafford lead the Lions to a win vs. Cleveland and play through injury.

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Week 12 Thu, Nov 26 vs Green Bay (6-4) L 12 - 34

(The Annual Thanksgiving Day Stinker, a national tradition!)

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John Magee is trying to summon the will to string up a few more Christmas lights, but has instead found the couch and the Sunday paper to be too strong so far. We can only hope that the Lions force me to turn off the TV in disgust and get on with my day before halftime. (To be honest, that's usually the Lions' top accomplishment on most Sundays.) December 6, 2009 at 12:50pm
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Week 13 Sun, Dec 6 @ Cincinnati (8-3) L 13 - 23
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John Magee Yes, indeed. The result of that Lions' game was entirely predictable. It forced me outside by early in the third quarter, and our Christmas lights are now set. December 6, 2009 at 5:47pm

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Week 14 Sun, Dec 13 @ Baltimore (6-6) L 3 - 48
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John Magee and Monique are puttering about the house and watching football. Yes, that means that the Lions game is over and we've moved on to other games. I can't really call what they did today during that 48-3 beatdown by the Ravens "football." December 13, 2009 at 5:10pm
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Paul Chambers Didn't the Ravens spot them 3 points? December 13, 2009 at 8:33pm
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Tom Mulhall OK, so it's bad enough your wife is married to you, but you make her watch the Lions? I can't decide which is worse! December 13, 2009 at 9:23pm
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John Magee In her case, "watching" consisted of occasionally walking by and asking, "How bad is it now?"

I reckon she put at least as much effort into it as the Lions did. December 13, 2009 at 9:52pm

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(And now, the national perspective from Dave McClure in California.)

David B Mcclure Thanks to the snow the 49er game was delayed so now I have to watch the Lions lose. December 20, 2009 at 1:48pm
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David B Mcclure See foot ... aim ... FIRE! December 20, 2009 at 1:51pm
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John Magee Those of us in Detroit have been spared the horror of the Lions game due to the blackout. I'm happy for you that we could share it with you. (Actually, it's been on the Sunday Ticket Red Zone quite a bit so far, due to all the Lion turnovers and Cardinal scores.) December 20, 2009 at 2:11pm
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David B Mcclure Holy smoke! You're missing a good one! December 20, 2009 at 4:01pm
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Week 15 Sun, Dec 20 vs Arizona (8-5) L 24 - 31
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John Magee And yet the outcome was preordained. Lions lose. December 20, 2009 at 4:59pm

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Week 16 Sun, Dec 27 @ San Francisco (6-8) L 6 - 20
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John Magee found the perfect film clip to express how he feels about watching Lions games these days. December 28, 2009 at 1:32pm

Thank you sir may I have another?
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Patrick Iaquinto I'm not sure why I watch. I'm expecting a competitive, entertaining game but it rarely happens. December 28, 2009 at 3:20pm
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John Magee I expect to see a competitive, entertaining game on Sundays, too. That's why I have DirecTV Sunday Ticket. So that I can turn the channel to a competitive, entertaining game after the Lions get blown out.

Thank goodness they're going to be blacked out next Sunday. I'd feel compelled to watch, and I'm sure that nothing good could come of it. December 28, 2009 at 11:35pm

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John Magee is so sad that the Lions aren't blacked out today. Now I'm going to have to watch them. It's horrible, but you can't avert your eyes -- kind of like a train wreck. A decade-long train wreck. January 3 at 12:07pm
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Week 17 Sun, Jan 3 vs Chicago (6-9) L 23 - 37
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John Magee Oh, Lions, why must you be so horrible? Why? Why? Why? January 3 at 4:04pm