The Rosetta Stone of Blog Spam!

So, this turned up for Monique this morning in the comments on her Marketsize blog. Apparently one of the world's semi-automated spammers failed to explain to a new spammer that you're supposed to pick and choose from their Template o'Spam, not cut and paste the entire thing directly into a comments field.  And, yes, for those who aren't aware of the practice, there are companies that hire out this sort of commenting -- generally at a very low rate in places like India and the Phillipines -- to try to get their links past various spam filters, which have gotten pretty good in most of the blog world.

If you blog at all, I'm sure you've seen some of these comments in your comments section.

There are many great comments below, but the Irony Champion of 2013 is this:

{Howdy|Hi there|Hi|Hello}, i read your blog {occasionally|from time to time} and i own a similar one and i was just {wondering|curious} if you get a lot of spam {comments|responses|feedback|remarks}? If so how do you {prevent|reduce|stop|protect against} it, any plugin or anything you can {advise|suggest|recommend}? I get so much lately it’s driving me {mad|insane|crazy} so any {assistance|help|support} is very much appreciated.


To give this question the sincere response it deserves, I say simply that I keep the spammers away by deleting spammy comments like that one. (I suppose I also cleverly keep the spammers away by keeping my readership incredibly low: a half-dozen family members, three friends, and an old lady who lives with 53 cats in a shack in Eastern Oregon. But that sort of low-readership strategy isn't for everybody.)

For best effect, I recommend reading the whole long list in the voice of a hardcore poetry slam contestant with a bit of a driving beat behind it.  Maybe even with a bit of the music from Eminen's "Stan" to accompany you since the cumulative effect is rather like being stalked by an obsessed and crazed spammer.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you The Rosetta Stone of Blog Spam!

Enjoy!



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{I have|I’ve} been {surfing|browsing} online more than {three|3|2|4} hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. {It’s|It is} pretty worth enough for me.
{In my opinion|Personally|In my view}, if all {webmasters|site owners|website owners|web owners} and bloggers made good content as you did, the {internet|net|web} will be {much more|a lot more} useful than ever before.
|
I {couldn’t|could not} {resist|refrain from} commenting. {Very well|Perfectly|Well|Exceptionally well} written!
|
{I will|I’ll} {right away|immediately} {take hold of|grab|clutch|grasp|seize|snatch}
your {rss|rss feed} as I {can not|can’t} {in finding|find|to find} your {email|e-mail} subscription {link|hyperlink} or {newsletter|e-newsletter} service. Do {you have|you’ve} any?
{Please|Kindly} {allow|permit|let} me {realize|recognize|understand|recognise|know} {so that|in
order that} I {may just|may|could} subscribe.
Thanks.
|
{It is|It’s} {appropriate|perfect|the best} time to make some plans for the future and {it is|it’s} time to be happy. {I have|I’ve} read this post and if I could I {want to|wish to|desire to} suggest you {few|some} interesting things or {advice|suggestions|tips}. {Perhaps|Maybe} you {could|can} write next articles referring to this article. I {want to|wish to|desire to} read {more|even more} things about it!
|
{It is|It’s} {appropriate|perfect|the best} time to make {a few|some} plans for {the future|the longer term|the long run} and {it is|it’s} time to be happy. {I have|I’ve} {read|learn} this post|submit|publish|put up} and if I {may just|may|could} I {want to|wish to|desire to} {suggest|recommend|counsel} you {few|some} {interesting|fascinating|attention-grabbing} {things|issues} or {advice|suggestions|tips}.
{Perhaps|Maybe} you {could|can} write {next|subsequent} articles {relating to|referring to|regarding}this article. I {want to|wish to|desire to} {read|learn} {more|even more} {things|issues}
{approximately|about} it!
|
{I have|I’ve} been {surfing|browsing} {online|on-line} {more than|greater than} {three|3} hours {these days|nowadays|today|lately|as of late}, {yet|but} I {never|by no means} {found|discovered} any {interesting|fascinating|attention-grabbing} article like yours. {It’s|It is}
{lovely|pretty|beautiful} {worth|value|price} {enough|sufficient} for me.
|
{In my opinion|Personally|In my view}, if all {webmasters|site owners|website owners|web owners} and bloggers made {just right|good|excellent} {content|content material} as {you did|you probably did}, the {internet|net|web} {will be|shall be|might be|will probably be|can be|will
likely be} {much more|a lot more} {useful|helpful} than ever before.
|
Ahaa, its {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {discussion|conversation|dialogue} {regarding|concerning|about|on the topic of} this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} {here|at this place} at this {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site}, I have read all that, so {now|at this time} me also commenting {here|at this place}.
|
I am sure this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} has touched all the internet {users|people|viewers|visitors}, its really really {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} on building up new {blog|weblog|webpage|website|web site}.
|
Wow, this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} is {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious}, my {sister|younger sister} is analyzing {such|these|these kinds of} things, {so|thus|therefore} I
am going to {tell|inform|let know|convey} her.
|
{Saved as a favorite|bookmarked!!}, {I really like|I like|I love} {your blog|your site|your
web site|your website}!
|
Way cool! Some {very|extremely} valid points! I appreciate you {writing this|penning this}
{article|post|write-up} {and the|and also the|plus the} rest of the {site is|website is} {also very|extremely|very|also really|really} good.
|
Hi, {I do believe|I do think} {this is an excellent|this is a great} {blog|website|web
site|site}. I stumbledupon it  {I will|I am going to|I’m going to|I may} {come back|return|revisit} {once again|yet again} {since I|since i have} {bookmarked|book marked|book-marked|saved as a favorite} it. Money and freedom {is the best|is the greatest} way to change, may you be rich and continue to {help|guide} {other people|others}.
|
Woah! I’m really {loving|enjoying|digging} the template/theme of this {site|website|blog}.
It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s {very hard|very difficult|challenging|tough|difficult|hard} to get that “perfect balance” between {superb usability|user friendliness|usability} and {visual appearance|visual appeal|appearance}.
|
I must say {that you’ve|you have|you’ve} done a {awesome|amazing|very good|superb|fantastic|excellent|great} job with this.
{In addition|Additionally|Also}, the blog loads {very|extremely|super} {fast|quick}
for me on {Safari|Internet explorer|Chrome|Opera|Firefox}.
{Superb|Exceptional|Outstanding|Excellent} Blog!
|
These are {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {great|enormous|impressive|wonderful|fantastic} ideas in {regarding|concerning|about|on the topic of} blogging.
|
You have touched some {nice|pleasant|good|fastidious} {points|factors|things} here.
Any way keep up wrinting.
|
{I love|I really like|I enjoy|I like|Everyone loves} what you guys {are|are
usually|tend to be} up too. {This sort of|This type of|Such|This kind of} clever work and {exposure|coverage|reporting}! Keep up the {superb|terrific|very good|great|good|awesome|fantastic|excellent|amazing|wonderful} works guys I’ve {incorporated||added|included} you guys to {|my|our||my personal|my own} blogroll.
|
{Howdy|Hi there|Hey there|Hi|Hello|Hey}! Someone in my {Myspace|Facebook} group shared this {site|website} with us so I came to {give it a look|look it over|take a look|check it out}. I’m definitely {enjoying|loving} the information.
I’m {book-marking|bookmarking} and will be tweeting this to my followers! {Terrific|Wonderful|Great|Fantastic|Outstanding|Exceptional|Superb|Excellent} blog and {wonderful|terrific|brilliant|amazing|great|excellent|fantastic|outstanding|superb} {style and design|design and style|design}.
|
{I love|I really like|I enjoy|I like|Everyone loves} what you guys {are|are usually|tend to be} up too. {This sort of|This type of|Such|This kind of} clever work and {exposure|coverage|reporting}! Keep up the {superb|terrific|very good|great|good|awesome|fantastic|excellent|amazing|wonderful} works guys I’ve {incorporated|added|included} you guys to {|my|our|my personal|my own} blogroll.
|
{Howdy|Hi there|Hey there|Hi|Hello|Hey} would you mind {stating|sharing} which blog platform you’re {working with|using}? I’m {looking|planning|going} to start my own blog {in the near future|soon} but I’m having a {tough|difficult|hard} time {making a decision|selecting|choosing|deciding} between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your {design and style|design|layout} seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something {completely unique|unique}.
P.S {My apologies|Apologies|Sorry} for {getting|being} off-topic but I had to ask!
|
{Howdy|Hi there|Hi|Hey there|Hello|Hey} would you mind letting me know which {webhost|hosting company|web host} you’re {utilizing|working with|using}? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 {completely different|different} {internet browsers|web browsers|browsers} and I must say this blog loads a lot {quicker|faster} then most. Can you {suggest|recommend} a good {internet hosting|web hosting|hosting} provider at a {honest|reasonable|fair} price?
{Thanks a lot|Kudos|Cheers|Thank you|Many thanks|Thanks}, I appreciate it!
|
{I love|I really like|I like|Everyone loves} it {when people|when individuals|when folks|whenever people} {come together|get together} and share {opinions|thoughts|views|ideas}.
Great {blog|website|site}, {keep it up|continue the good work|stick with it}!
|
Thank you for the {auspicious|good} writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
Look advanced to {far|more} added agreeable from you!
{By the way|However}, how {can|could} we communicate?
|
{Howdy|Hi there|Hey there|Hello|Hey} just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
The {text|words} in your {content|post|article} seem to be running off the screen in {Ie|Internet explorer|Chrome|Firefox|Safari|Opera}.
I’m not sure if this is a {format|formatting} issue or something to do with {web browser|internet browser|browser} compatibility but I {thought|figured} I’d post to let you know. The {style and design|design and style|layout|design} look great though!
Hope you get the {problem|issue} {solved|resolved|fixed} soon.
{Kudos|Cheers|Many thanks|Thanks}
|
This is a topic {that is|that’s|which is} {close to|near to} my heart… {Cheers|Many thanks|Best wishes|Take care|Thank you}! {Where|Exactly where} are your contact details though?
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It’s very {easy|simple|trouble-free|straightforward|effortless} to find out any {topic|matter} on {net|web} as compared to {books|textbooks}, as I found this {article|post|piece of writing|paragraph} at this {website|web site|site|web page}.
|
Does your {site|website|blog} have a contact page?
I’m having {a tough time|problems|trouble} locating it but, I’d like to
{send|shoot} you an {e-mail|email}. I’ve got some {creative ideas|recommendations|suggestions|ideas} for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great {site|website|blog} and I look forward to seeing it {develop|improve|expand|grow} over time.
|
{Hola|Hey there|Hi|Hello|Greetings}! I’ve been {following|reading} your {site|web site|website|weblog|blog} for {a long time|a while|some time} now and finally got the {bravery|courage} to go ahead and give you a shout out from {New Caney|Kingwood|Huffman|Porter|Houston|Dallas|Austin|Lubbock|Humble|Atascocita}
{Tx|Texas}! Just wanted to {tell you|mention|say} keep up the {fantastic|excellent|great|good} {job|work}!
|
Greetings from {Idaho|Carolina|Ohio|Colorado|Florida|Los angeles|California}!
I’m {bored to tears|bored to death|bored} at work so I decided to {check out|browse} your {site|website|blog} on my iphone during lunch break. I {enjoy|really like|love} the {knowledge|info|information} you {present|provide} here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m {shocked|amazed|surprised} at how {quick|fast} your blog loaded on my {mobile|cell phone|phone} .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. {Anyhow|Anyways}, {awesome|amazing|very good|superb|good|wonderful|fantastic|excellent|great} {site|blog}!
|
Its {like you|such as you} {read|learn} my {mind|thoughts}!
You {seem|appear} {to understand|to know|to grasp} {so much|a lot} {approximately|about} this, {like you|such as you} wrote the {book|e-book|guide|ebook|e book} in it or something. {I think|I feel|I believe} {that you|that you simply|that you just} {could|can} do with {some|a few} {%|p.c.|percent} to {force|pressure|drive|power} the message {house|home} {a bit|a little bit}, {however|but} {other than|instead of} that, {this is|that is} {great|wonderful|fantastic|magnificent|excellent} blog. {A great|An excellent|A fantastic} read. {I’ll|I will} {definitely|certainly} be back.
|
I visited {multiple|many|several|various} {websites|sites|web sites|web pages|blogs} {but|except|however} the audio {quality|feature} for audio songs {current|present|existing} at this {website|web site|site|web page} is {really|actually|in fact|truly|genuinely} {marvelous|wonderful|excellent|fabulous|superb}.
|
{Howdy|Hi there|Hi|Hello}, i read your blog {occasionally|from time to time} and i own a similar one and i was just {wondering|curious} if you get a lot of spam {comments|responses|feedback|remarks}? If so how do you {prevent|reduce|stop|protect against} it, any plugin or anything you can {advise|suggest|recommend}? I get so much lately it’s driving me {mad|insane|crazy} so any {assistance|help|support} is very much appreciated.
|
Greetings! {Very helpful|Very useful} advice {within this|in this particular} {article|post}! {It is the|It’s the} little changes {that make|which will make|that produce|that will make} {the biggest|the largest|the greatest|the most important|the most significant} changes. {Thanks a lot|Thanks|Many thanks} for sharing!
|
{I really|I truly|I seriously|I absolutely} love {your blog|your site|your website}.. {Very nice|Excellent|Pleasant|Great} colors & theme. Did you {create|develop|make|build} {this website|this site|this web site|this amazing site} yourself? Please reply back as I’m {looking to|trying to|planning to|wanting to|hoping to|attempting to} create {my own|my very own|my own personal} {blog|website|site} and {would like to|want to|would love to} {know|learn|find out} where you got this from or {what the|exactly what the|just what the} theme {is called|is named}. {Thanks|Many thanks|Thank you|Cheers|Appreciate it|Kudos}!
|
{Hi there|Hello there|Howdy}! This {post|article|blog post} {couldn’t|could not} be written {any better|much better}! {Reading through|Looking at|Going through|Looking through} this {post|article} reminds me of my previous roommate! He {always|constantly|continually} kept {talking about|preaching about} this. {I will|I’ll|I am going to|I most certainly will} {forward|send} {this article|this information|this post} to him. {Pretty sure|Fairly certain} {he will|he’ll|he’s going to} {have a good|have a very good|have a great} read. {Thank you for|Thanks for|Many thanks for|I appreciate you for} sharing!
|
{Wow|Whoa|Incredible|Amazing}! This blog looks {exactly|just} like my old one! It’s on a {completely|entirely|totally} different {topic|subject} but it has pretty much the same {layout|page layout} and design. {Excellent|Wonderful|Great|Outstanding|Superb} choice of colors!|
{There is|There’s} {definately|certainly} {a lot to|a great deal to} {know about|learn about|find out about} this {subject|topic|issue}. {I like|I love|I really like} {all the|all of the} points {you made|you’ve made|you have made}.
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{You made|You’ve made|You have made} some {decent|good|really good} points there. I {looked|checked} {on the internet|on the web|on the net} {for more info|for more information|to find out more|to learn more|for additional information} about the issue and found {most individuals|most people} will go along with your views on {this website|this site|this web site}.
|
{Hi|Hello|Hi there|What’s up}, I {log on to|check|read} your {new stuff|blogs|blog} {regularly|like every week|daily|on a regular basis}. Your {story-telling|writing|humoristic} style is {awesome|witty}, keep {doing what you’re doing|up the good work|it up}!
|
I {simply|just} {could not|couldn’t} {leave|depart|go away} your {site|web site|website} {prior to|before} suggesting that I {really|extremely|actually} {enjoyed|loved} {the standard|the usual} {information|info} {a person|an individual} {supply|provide} {for your|on your|in your|to your} {visitors|guests}? Is {going to|gonna} be {back|again} {frequently|regularly|incessantly|steadily|ceaselessly|often|continuously} {in order to|to} {check up on|check out|inspect|investigate cross-check} new posts
|
{I wanted|I needed|I want to|I need to} to thank you for this {great|excellent|fantastic|wonderful|good|very good} read!! I {definitely|certainly|absolutely} {enjoyed|loved} every {little bit of|bit of} it. {I have|I’ve got|I have got} you {bookmarked|book marked|book-marked|saved as a favorite} {to check out|to look at} new {stuff you|things you} post…
|
{Hi|Hello|Hi there|What’s up}, just wanted to {mention|say|tell you}, I {enjoyed|liked|loved} this {article|post|blog post}. It was {inspiring|funny|practical|helpful}. Keep on posting!
|
I {{leave|drop|{write|create}} a {comment|leave a response}|drop a {comment|leave a response}|{comment|leave a response}} {each time|when|whenever} I {appreciate|like|especially enjoy} a {post|article} on a {site|{blog|website}|site|website} or {I have|if I have} something to {add|contribute|valuable to contribute} {to the discussion|to the conversation}. {It is|Usually it is|Usually it’s|It’s} {a result of|triggered by|caused by} the {passion|fire|sincerness} {communicated|displayed} in the {post|article} I {read|looked at|browsed}. And {on|after} this {post|article}

The newly privatized Statistical Abstract of the United States: or, interesting Wal-Mart quality check on Aisle 949.

So, after the feds cut the funding from the Census Department for the print version of the Statistical Abstract of the United States a couple of years ago, it was announced with great fanfare that this wouldn’t be a problem because the assembly and sales of the print version would be privatized. I admit my inner publishing geek was a wee bit skeptical of this turn of events. But my practical governmental cost reduction side was interested to see how it would all turn out.

So, today Monique picked up what she thought would be her new copy of StatAb today, a 2012-2013 version from a company named Skyhorse Publishing that at the time she searched for a copy she could oddly enough only find through Wal-Mart online. (It looks as if it is now also available via Amazon and Skyhorse's own site.)

Since I – like all right-thinking people everywhere – judge a reference book by the subject access granted by its index, I decided to peruse the index to see what it looked like.  But I had a bit of difficulty finding the index.  So, assuming I was missing it somewhere among the appendixes, I went to the table of contents:

Ah, page 949.  Okay, let’s go to page 949 … page 949 … well, here’s page 948, and … it’s the last page of the book.

Yeah. They omitted the index and published the book without it.

In fact, it looks like all Skyhorse did was to pull the PDFs of the Census Bureau edition off the Census Bureau's website, slap their own copyright on it, and then publish it ... without the freaking index. Presumably they secured the rights through the Census Department, and if so it means that they couldn't even be bothered to include an index they got for free.

I mourn for future generations.

P.S. It looks as if the new 2013 hardcover edition from ProQuest is now on Amazon for just $179, a wee price increase over the $25 per edition of the Census Bureau's version. All hail the wonders and cost savings of privatization!

The 2013 North American International Auto Show

My old friend Bryan Anderson was in town, so hauled him down to the auto show Friday evening because ... well, the list of entertainment options in Detroit in January is always a bit thin.

Thanks to a bit of snow and some gnarled rush-hour traffic on Friday evening we didn't actually get down to Cobo Hall until much later than we had expected to arrive. So we only had an hour and fifteen minutes before it closed up for the night. The auto show is huge, so really all we did was sprint around trying to check out as many fun cars as possible before we got thrown out. We tried to get a lot of photos of Bryan with race cars because his son likes car racing, so the whole thing sort of devolved into a sprint from race car to race car for a while. There wasn't a lot of sitting in cars, trucks got short shrift in favor of sports cars, and we didn't visit my alternative energy amigos down in the basement at all.  

Still, it was a lot of fun and we got a few cool photos, so here goes...

First, a quick stop with the Honda Indy car. We look really red in these pictures.

The only thing I wanted to look at for sure was the new 2014 Corvette Stingray that Chevrolet unveiled at this show. From the initial photos they released I didn't know if I'd like it much, but it really looked great in person. I liked it a lot more than I expected to, alas for my wallet at some date in the far-flung future.

I pretend to fiddle with the Corvette's aluminum frame. More interestingly, check out the new 2014 Covertte Stingray tacked up on the wall over my head.

2014 Corvette Stingray (with wall-gripping traction!)

Bryan and I plotting to buy new Corvettes.

Uh-oh, Monique caught us plotting.

2014 Corvette Stingray.

 Monique self-portrait in auto-show mirrored ceiling.

Bryan with Toyota race cars.

Bryan laughs as I mock him for buying the minivan so unhip that it occupies the farthest back corner of the entire auto show. (Actually, it looked like a pretty nice ride. But don't tell him I said that.)

So, this was cool. Toyota had a display that would take your picture and display it on this giant vehicle-like display.

Maserati trident.

Ferrari prancing pony.

The sweet Ferrari that comes with that prancing pony emblem.

Monique with a Porsche 911 Cabriolet.

 BMW Z4.

I try to teach Bryan how to be a proper Vanna White for the nifty BMW i8 hybrid sports concept car.

Bryan in a Smart car.

Smart concept car.

 
Mercedes SLS AMG.

Monique checks out the Mercedes-Benz 250 SLK. She allowed as how it might not look terrible in our driveway.

This Bentley may have a 628 hp engine and a top speed of a bazillion mph, but it doesn't have two little tea trays that fold-down from the back of the front seats. There's just a single tray between the two back-seat passengers. Does this mean I have to share my Grey Poupon with my fellow back-seat passenger? I give it an epic fail. For $328,000 I don't want to have to share my tea tray, damn it.

The new Jaguar F-Type. Not sure why, but I didn't like the look as much as I expected to, sort of the opposite of the new Corvette. I should probably test drive it and the new Corvette a few dozen times apiece to figure out where I really stand on each.

Bryan with the Cadillac race car.

Ford Mustang EcoBoost race car.

I was truly impressed with the retro look of this brand new Ford pickup truck. It really looks like something from the 1950s.

This sort of wreckage is undoubtedly the result of a terrible accident while they were setting up the displays. You'd think they'd tip it back on all four wheels and tow it off, but I reckon they must not have gotten around to it yet.

Monique and Bryan checking out the Red Bull Formula One race car.

Acura NSX concept car.

And let's see ... what else is there to say? Not much, really. Monique noticed that Lincoln had some sort of flower scent working in their display area. Which was nice I guess, but we thought the cars they had to show looked kind of bland.  I didn't get to check out the Jeeps or Dodges, which was too bad, but them's the breaks when you're running around like mad. I regret not getting down to the basement because there are usually truly interesting new technologies kicking around down there. And I wish I'd had a bit more time to look in depth at a few cars that really interested me.

But all-in-all for a 75-minute tour of the auto show we saw a lot more than I expected to see. Definitely a great diversion on a snowy Friday night in Detroit.

This n'that to kick off 2013

I've been a neglectful blogger thus far in 2013, so I reckoned I'd at least put together a little post with some updates and a bit of conversation about what the start of 2013 looks like to me.


The Grumpy Old Man Update

The second half of 2012 was a bit of a nag for me, healthwise.  My busted and disclocated finger pretty much hurt like hell right into the fall, I tweaked my back again, and then Monique and I managed to come down with *two* rotten colds right in a row during the holidays.

Sheesh!

I have some friends and family members who've dealt with genuine life-threatening illnesses in the last year, so I'm truly grateful that none of those woes were anywhere in that neighborhood.  But I did notice that it really had an impact on my overall productivity.  Sometimes I like to think that I mostly just sloth around and don't do much, but the last six or eight months made me realize how much I usually do get done. One of the reasons you've all seen less blogging around here lately is that the blog had to take a bit of a back seat as I tried to at least take care of the minimum on other fronts.

So I'm going to try to take a bit of better care of my overall health in 2013 because it helps me to do the other things I want to do.

(On the other hand, I'm also thinking about trying to play in an old boys' rugby match in Savannah in March, so "better care of my overall health" has some challenges right from the start.  But aiming for a few old boy events each year keeps my overall motivation to stay in shape a lot higher than it would be otherwise, so it's still an overall plus.  I'll just try not to bust anything this year.)


Writing

Random acts of poetry are hereby officially reinstated at the ol' Patio Boat blog.  I had thought last year that I'd try writing and polishing a few poems and actually submitting them to some magazines, something I hadn't done in 20 years or so.  In reality I wrote very little poetry last year.  Part of that may be the aforementioned productivity decline.  But I think a big part of that was the direct result of cutting off my primary publication outlet.

The truth is that although I published a few poems in magazines way back when, I was always much more the sort of poet who would noodle around with something, show a few friends, and then move on.  So why fight it? If I write something fun or interesting, I'll post it up here.  Hopefully that'll make me a bit more likely to write something fun or interesting this year.

Otherwise on the blog? Eh, I'll post something when I have something interesting to say.  The Ol' Patio Boat blog remains what it has been pretty much from the start, a place for me to write down some thoughts and share them with those of you who are interested, mostly in the form of first-draft ramblings with dubious sentence structures.  A more commercially viable blogger would've broken this melange into four or five discrete and well-edited posts. But you all just have to put up with this.  Or not.  Nobody's forcing you.  Go watch a cat video on YouTube if you want. See if I care.


The Broadcast News Ban Grows

I want to personally thank the U.S. Congress for the monumental stupidity of the unending fiscal-cliff debacle in December. They finally got me to do what I probably should've done years ago: change the dial on my old clock-radio from our NPR news station to the classical music channel. And fortunately for my peace of mind this happened before the airwaves filled with unending details of school shootings.

I banished television news a few years ago, and I had pretty much banished radio news from the rest of my morning. The remaining holdover was waking up every morning to the headline news.  In truth, it was a pretty effective wakeup call.  Nothing will get you out of bed to turn off the radio faster than a terrible news story.

But it was also a pretty depressing way to wake up, and it was taking a toll on my psyche. I had begun to wake morning in despair about the world. Now I wake up to a random bit of symphony or concerto and generally think, "Gosh, how pretty." The downside is that it's a lot harder to actually wake up and get out of bed while lying in a warm bed and listening to lovely classical music. For now, I'll take that risk.

I've banned the radio news in the morning a few times before as part of a news ban.  This time it feels more permanent.  We shall see.


The MGB Slumbers

The Michigan roads are covered in salt during the wintertime, so my little MGB is tucked away under cover in the garage.  Salty roads are the mortal enemy of rust-prone British sports cars.  Alas, I'll have some work to do before all is ship-shape for the first Spring drive.  Here's the current list:

The lighting and wiring woes continue -- There was good progress on this front last year, but my right rear taillight went out again during my final drive of the fall.  I need to solve that.  The poor little car has two problems, really. First, many of the connections are now 37 years old and worn, dirty, or corroded. Second, many of the newer connections made by previous owners weren't done properly. Hopefully cleaning and/or replacing some of those connectors will have the lights back in business.

Sigh. I know you all continue to be shocked that my old British sports car has electrical issues, but there it is.

The overdrive/wiper and turn-signal switches, plus the horn -- My overdrive switch slowly began failing last year, and is pretty much kaput. This makes me sad because the overdrive is a positive boon whenever I top 50 mph. To fix it, I'll need to take apart a bit of the steering column, which means that it might be an opportunity to also fix or replace my turn-signal switch (which doesn't turn off after the turn) and maybe even figure out how to make the regular horn button in the middle of the steering wheel work again.  I love my A-OOGA horn, but it's not always convenient when large trucks bear down on me and I need to make a loud and joyous sound **NOW**.

The hole in the driver's seat -- Somehow last summer I tore a small hole in the leather seat. I tried covering it over with duct tape and managed to make it into a larger hole.

This is why I can't have nice things.

It needs fixing, and I'll probably need to find somebody who knows what she's doing, which means that I'll probably do best to take the seat out of the car and haul it over to Bev's Canvas Covers, which did a bang-up job replacing the zippers on my tonneau cover and did a great job on the seats for my neighbor's pontoon boat.  Removing the seat to get its upholstery fixed has has another benefit. It would make it easier to work on the steering-wheel console, and it would probably also make it easier to ...

Install the shoulder belts -- The MGB currently just has lap belts. I did buy a new pair to install last summer, before I got distracted by the broken finger and the broken fuel pump and the electrical woes.  The MGB is a relatively safe car for a tiny mid-70s convertible, but replacing those lap belts for actual shoulder harnesses is an important upgrade that would make me feel better about hauling people around in it.

Put it all together and it's a good-sized project list that I'd be more inclined to tackle if my garage wasn't 25 degrees. (Note to self: add "Build heated, insulated garage with more room" to the list of vital MGB repairs.)

All of this during the winter when I can't drive anyway makes me start to look at other cars and dream that they don't have their own list of issues -- as in, "Oooh, look at this pretty Jaguar convertible on eBay. The ad says everything works!" -- but really I'll be happy again with the FUN MG as soon as its warm enough to get back to work on it, which should be soon enough.

Alas, thanks to the ever-increasing pace of global warming, old British sports cars are an increasingly weather-appropriate choice in Michigan!


Politics

I'm focusing on village issues in 2013. Now that we've put the worst of the financial hardships behind us (Knock on wood!) we're in a good place to work in making Wolverine Lake the best community it can be. Besides, current national and state politics just make me despair for democracy and our republic. (Thus the aforementioned news ban!)

One of the things I've had some interest in doing is digging into some real statistical analysis of redistricting and the gerrymander.  But that has begun to feel a bit to me like doing a tree count in the midst of a forest fire.

I could rant at length, and I'm sure I'll come back to write more about this eventually (fair warning!) but in the meantime let me pass along four things I've been thinking about that would help to restore some sanity to our badly broken political process. Each is worthy of a long post and discussion of its own, but I wanted to write them down somewhere before I turn my back in disgust, and the end of this long, rambling blog post to kick off the new year is as good a place as any:

1) Abolish the Electoral College -- This one's such an easy constitutional amendment that even a non-lawyer like me can write it: "The President and Vice-President shall be elected by a direct vote of the qualified voters."

2) Eliminate the Gerrymander -- I'm sure there's a good way to word the requirement. But what it means is that legislative districts should be drawn by non-partisan commissions to maximize compactness and to follow permanent political boundaries to the greatest extent possible.

3) Open primaries -- Primaries shall not be restricted to partisan races. They shall be open to all qualified candidates. The general election will consist of a runoff between the top two vote-getters in the primary.

4) Eliminate term-limits for the legislature -- This really only applies to Michigan or other states that have enacted legislative term limits.  It might not be quite as useful as the first three, but the unending spectacle of an amateur hour in Lansing that's generally run by lobbyists has made me firmly believe that term limits for our legislature were a mistake.


And that's it.  I'm out of lunchtime to write this post, and I'm sure I'm out of readers of this post by the time I'm typing this sentence. So if you doggedly made it to this paragraph let me just say, "Have a great 2013!"

Bah, humbeagle!

Holiday hubbub
Disturbs the beagle's deep rut.
January! Ahhh.

Sleepy doggerel of unknown origin

Arsen posted an interesting item on Ghulf Genes today (Morning Red, Evening Dead!) on the German phrase "Morgen rot" and its origins and meaning.  I, of course, had nothing so useful to post in reply, but a bit of a phrase I once heard came to mind and I produced this bit of doggerel:

"The early bird gets the worm,"
Or so the much used phrase is turned.
A worm for breakfast? I'd feel forsaken!
The late bird dines on eggs and bacon.

The exact phrasing is probably mine, since I couldn't remember where I'd heard the bit about the late bird dining on bacon and eggs or how I'd heard it phrased.  I wish I could tell you where the concept comes from, but if anybody knows a source for it, let me know and I'll be happy to cite it and its origin properly.

Regardless, I like it!  It makes me want to write an entire book of anti-nursery rhymes.

Photos from Paris: La Tour Eiffel

Yes, we're back from Paris.  I had meant to put up a few posts here with some pictures while we were away.  Alas, the electrical converter that Monique and I brought with us didn't work with our laptop, so there was no photo editing or posting while we were there, and darn little writing of anything since I didn't have a keyboard.  Instead we just had to settle for relaxing with family; taking long, leisurely strolls; and visiting the occasional museum.

Darn.

Since this entire trip was conceived as a relaxing Thanksgiving week family visit with Monique's sister Michelle and her clan -- Max, Stella, Henry, and Malcolm -- relaxing around the apartment and taking the occasional adventurous expedition was just the right pace for us.  It was a splendid visit.

The result of our non-photo-editing in Paris is that we've had a suspiciously 20th-century return from our trip, with the equivalent of 50 or 60 rolls of 24-shot film on a couple of little digital memory cards.  And now that we have our home wi-fi working again (long story) yesterday was like the day on which all those rolls of film came back from the developer.  Since I was home sick yesterday with a cold -- we brought that back from Paris, too -- I occasionally roused myself from the couch and did a bit of sorting of our photographic treasure trove.

If you want to see the big, basic photo album of the trip, your best bet is my Paris 2012 photo album on Facebook.  Unfortunately, you'll need to be logged into Facebook to see it.  You don't necessarily have to friend me, though.  I leave my privacy setting pretty low over there rather than indulge the delusion that there's any privacy on FB.

Instead of replicating the album here for you non-Facebookers (for Pete's sake, just go create an ID/password and lurk, if you're that desperate to see the full slide show) what I thought I'd do over here on the ol' Patio Boat is to write a few posts in which I pick a few pictures from the trip, then talk about them in a bit more depth, either with a bit of the story behind the photo or maybe a bit about why I like that particular photo.

So, let's start with the photo of the Eiffel Tower that I posted first over on FB, mostly as a test of our newly restored wi-fi:

This photo was one of a batch of Tour Eiffel photos I took on the evening of our first Sunday as Monique and I strolled along the Seine.  Incidentally, we didn't really intend to stroll along the Seine on Sunday night.  We intended to go to Musée du Stylo et de l'Écriture, which we dug out of our Lonely Planet: Paris guide book, and which is only open on Sundays from 2 pm to 6 pm.

Or, I should say, I supposedly open on Sundays from 2 pm to 6 pm.  Because when we arrived there at 4 pm on Sunday, this is what we found:

(photo by Monique)

Yes, that's me standing indignantly in front of the shuttered museum.  I'm not sure why it was closed, but it's really just a little museum and is probably a one-person show.  Now we'll have to go back to Paris to see the world's greatest collection of pens and historical handwriting.

Darn.

Since the museum was a no-go, we decided to stroll through the neighborhood down to the Seine, then along the Seine towards the Eiffel Tower. We're both quite fond of walking along the Seine in the evening after the initial plan doesn't work out, since I proposed to Monique on a stroll like that.

We eventually ended up at the Pont Bir-Hakeim, which is a nifty historic bridge ...

(photo by Monique)

... with a great view up the Seine to the Eiffel Tower:

I like the framing of the first photo above because of the framing of the trees on the left and the broader sweep of the Seine in the foreground.  But this one came out dandy, too.  We actually took quite a few photos at this spot. Most of them didn't come out well because we were trying to get ourselves in the photo, so we either ended up with the foreground overexposed by flash or the foreground totally dim.

One of my favorite photos from my first trip to Paris was an Eiffel Tower shot like this, with the light of the tower reflecting off the Seine.

BTW, the phrase "took quite a few photos ... but most of them didn't come out well" is pretty much my key photographic strategy.  I like to think that I have a decent eye for framing things in the shot, but I will gladly admit that my camera (a Canon Rebel EOS T3i) is generally smarter about light exposures than I am.  So unless I have something very specific in mind (and the owner's manual in hand!) I generally let one of the automated settings do the heavy lifting. What surprises me is how often the first shot turns out to be the best shot.

I caught a couple more pretty good shots as we walked up towards the Trocadero:

The Eiffel Tower is, of course, so synonymous with Paris that it's become the ultimate tourist stereotype.  Sometimes you feel really un-hip pointing at it or taking photos of it. But it's also a lovely symbol for the city, in great part because of how it manages to pop out over rooftops or on the horizon at unexpected moments:

Photographically, it's just hard to take a badly composed shot of La Tour Eiffel because of its lines and the way it sweeps to a peak while crossing the horizon.  However it is possible to have photos of the Eiffel Tower go awry for a wide variety of other reasons, especially when you're shooting at night. One of our favorite views of the Eiffel Tower is from the window of my niece Stella's bedroom.  For the first day or two we were in Paris it was too foggy to see the Eiffel Tower from Stella's window, but on our first Saturday night there it finally popped out:

This is one of a long series of nighttime photos through Stella's window that didn't work out quite as intended because of low light and hand shake.  Next time we're in Paris I'll bring a tripod and just set it up next to her bed for the week. I'm sure she won't mind.

Even though none of the photos from Stella's window turned out crisply, some of them ended up looking pretty cool, anyway, especially since my zoom lens required such a long exposure:

This was one of a long series of blurry Tour Eiffel photos we took during the week.  In the evenings the tower also "shimmers" for about five minutes every hour on the hour.  It's a great looking effect that undoubtedly requires a bazillion strobe lights.  It also led to these two funky looking shots, which I'm quite fond of:

In the end, a couple of my favorite shots we took of the Eiffel Tower were from the misty day Monique and I toured the Cimetière du Père Lachaise, which is fairly close to Michelle's apartment on Rue Menilmontant.  As we climbed the hill, the fog lifted just enough for us to see it in the distance, keeping watch over all:

And that's how I think of La Tour Eiffel.  Always there, keeping watch over all Paris, past, present, and future: